


If Only (rewritten)

by RubyWaterz23



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Character death-Kinda, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Fools in Love, Illnesses, Its more like unexpected ravaging, Lots of Crying, Lots of smutt later, M/M, Protective Sesshomaru (InuYasha), Regret, Rin is a Dude, Romance, Smutt, Terminal Illnesses, Tragedy, Yaoi, guyXguy, lots of fluff later, slight non-con?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 13:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19318834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyWaterz23/pseuds/RubyWaterz23
Summary: Modern A.U. Rin Is A Dude!Rin's only got a year to live, if that, and he's fine with that. He's known his whole life he'd never live long so its not like its new news. However when he finally gets the chance to interact with the one person his heart desires he actually becomes afraid.Sesshomaru, who has enough on his plate - what with a woman he's forced to marry, can't help but find himself drawn to this odd human male. With his logic telling him to leave well enough alone, he tries to ignore the pull, until the pull of his heart makes him do something he really shouldn't have.What will happen when two hearts collide?





	If Only (rewritten)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Lovelies! SO I'm at it again! haha, I originally wrote this like two years ago? And I still have all the original chapters and notes, but when I was going through it I just saw so much of my own writing that I really did not like. So I'm taking a second go at it. I really loved this idea and I want to do it justice. The first time was really rushed and I wanted to focus more on the smutt of the plot than anything, but I think the drama of the story would be amazing. So be prepared for a lot of inner monologue for this first chapter - though it wont always be this way - and get ready for a lot of drama between them. 
> 
> Also This is a Yaoi story, so if that's not what you wanna read then go away XD hahaha.  
> Not much is changed from the original idea, or at least not many differences for now, but the plot is still much the same. I hope, though, that the writing is better XD You'll have to let me know!

 

**Winter**

**November 6th**

* * *

 

Sesshomaru walked with Kagura on his arm, a thing he had been enduring for the last five years while he was forced to court her. She was the spoiled daughter of a business partner of his fathers, and their betrothal had been set up long before he reached adulthood. Which needless to say, as he was a 100 year old demon, had been a very long time. Their engagement announcement had waited, thanks to Sesshomaru bargaining with his father, until five years ago. He had wanted to accomplish a few things in his lifetime before he was forced to play the husband to a women he truly couldn't stand. But he had been unable to push it any further, and for the last five years he'd been at her beck and call.

 

Which was why he'd been dragged to the South-side college campus at one o' clock in the afternoon. She'd been going on and on about finalizing everything for the wedding announcement, which she wanted the spring season after next. She'd been going crazy, in his opinion, with every single detail from the floral arrangements to the position of the chairs at the rehearsal dinner. It was over a year away – the date he was sure to hate for the rest of his life – and yet she wouldn't shut up about wanting everything perfect. Sesshomaru thought that letting her plan everything instead of hiring others to do so would keep her busy and off his ass, but he was dead wrong. She hadn't let him have a moments peace for over a week now.

 

Her newest obsession had been finding a proper artist, because she wanted a statue of the two of them as a wedding gift – roman style. He'd argued with her two weeks before that the idea was simply ridiculous. Not only was it something he didn't care about, but if she had a statue made for herself of the two of them they would look preposterous at their own wedding. It was a very heated argument, on Kagura's part, and later in the week he was called on by his father and reprimanded for treating his fiancé in such a way.

 

She had hence gone through multiple artists, trying to find one to 'capture her true beauty' as she put it, but really she was just being a picky bitch. This women brought out the most foul parts of everyone, himself included. However, somehow she had gotten word of a class specializing in the kind of modeling statues she was wanting at the college Sesshomaru was technically the chairman off. It was in name only, he didn't want any of the responsibilities of being a chairman, or at least not for this college when he had so many other things to over-see.

 

The class had been approached previously and informed of the offer about to be made to them, or so he had been told by Kagura, and they were to do a trial sketch of the two of them. Kagura was beyond picky and Sesshomaru was getting dead ass tired of sitting in a chair for an hour while a circle of people draw him and her. It was boring and time consuming. But if he didn't do as she wanted he'd have to hear it from his father, and although the demon was getting old he had lost none of his strength. He was not someone Sesshomaru felt like trying to overthrow. Least not yet.

 

“Well I just have to say, I hope this group does better than the last.” Kagura's voice cut into Sesshomaru's inner monologue of rage, scowling down at her as he kept his long strides in perfect rhythm never missing a step. Of course Kagura was able to keep up, not that he'd ever been able to shake her off, with her arm snaked around his. He hadn't been listening to what she was saying, so he said nothing. Which wasn't really any different from his regular responses so she didn't bother waiting for a reply of any sort. “ I'm starting to think there aren't any true artist in this world.”

 

Sesshomaru wanted to tell her to shut up and just pick one, he had better things to do, but he kept his mouth shut as they passed through the halls. Afternoon classes were in full swing and though the halls were filled with multitudes of students, many stepped aside to let Sesshomaru and Kagura pass through. They'd become some what famous since Kagura began posting their entire engagement online. They stepped into a stairwell on the far east side heading to the second floor. Though Sesshomaru had only been here a couple of times, it had only taken once glance at the school map for him to memorize the entire thing. The class would be at the back hall of the east upper wing, a small room as the class was not that easy to get into, though the work of the students in attendance were reaching popularity.

 

The upper halls were less active than the lower and Sesshomaru did his best to tone out what ever nonsense Kagura was speaking as they approached the open door. This part of the south-side building was older than the lower floor, with the cement walls looking less finished and the doors all old wooden swing doors – instead of the aluminum slide doors on the lower floor.

 

“Here, Room 112.” Kagura finally let go of his arm as she headed in, only a step ahead of him. Immediately she was greeted by the excited voices of the few students in the class, to Sesshomaru's dismay the class was all females. He'd had about enough of fan-girls and their squeals.

 

“Good afternoon, Chairman!” The group of girls greeted in unison, a sound that made Sesshomaru's ears want to bleed. Why were their voices so piercingly irritating?

 

“Please, Mr. Taisho is fine.” Sesshomaru faked indifference, a skill he had mastered at a young age, always hiding his true self. The girls all giggled and stayed standing as they each began to offer up greetings, speaking of how excited they were to being sketching the man.

 

Sesshomaru let his eyes wonder away from the small crowd of five women so he could glance about the room, but upon doing so his eyes locked on to something completely unexpected. Round chocolate orbs stared straight at him, and he felt a strange wave flow right through him. It took a minute for his eyes to notice the face of the person the eyes belonged to, a soft-edged face that was perhaps a little too pale for a human. A fact he knew simply by breathing in the air and smelling for this person, scenting everyone within the room. The pale stranger's face was frozen in an expression Sesshomaru didn't know how to read, but not a moment later the stranger turned their gaze away – though Sesshomaru didn't miss the slight red tint on their cheeks.

 

Without the strange power of the stranger's gaze burning into him Sesshomaru now ran his gaze over the stranger, first noting the dark raven locks which hung like silk almost touching his shoulders. Light reflecting almost perfectly off the black shine of their hair, as they were sat by the window. Second, he noticed a small frame decorated in clothes that seems too loose; and then thirdly he noticed that this dark haired, pale, and skinny stranger was in fact a male. Though in truth the facts he used to come to this conclusion could still be said of some females – his style of clothing, his lack of certain chest 'decorations', and his short hair – but it was the smell of him that made Sesshomaru certain it was a male. Males simply smelled different compared to females, even if neither sex wore cologne or perfume, and even if the scent of this strange male was somehow...sweet.

 

“..And whose that?” Kagura's voice cut through Sesshomaru's silent inspection causing him to tear his eyes away from the male and down to his abhorrence of a fiance and saw she was pointing at the very subject of his brief inspection. The group turned to look to the male in the corner who was still staring into his lap. “And why hasn't he come over here yet?” Kagura added with a scoffed that irritated Sesshomaru more than he expected.

 

“Oh, that's Rin. He's been in the class for a couple of weeks.” One girl commented, the one standing now closest to his side as the girls had migrated closer to him.

 

“Hey, Rin!” A second girl shouted towards Rin, though Sesshomaru doubted that was needed as the male sat only a few meters away. “Come here!” She added and motioned for him as he looked up from his lap, the pink tint still staining his cheeks.

 

Slowly he stood, keeping his eyes away from Sesshomaru, and approached the back of the small circle that had formed. Now that he was closer Sesshomaru could see that he was definitely skinnier than he probably should be, the shirt he was wearing hung like a loose blanket on his shoulders, but oddly hadn't revealed any skin. His scent also flooded Sesshomaru's nose far stronger than before and something deep within him started to burn.

 

“Well? Are you going to pay respects to your superiors?” Kagura spoke with impatience while crossing her arms over her chest. Rin looked up, though his eyes swirled with nervousness his expression remained steady. A feat Sesshomaru could admire. He then gave a perfect Japanese bow with hands folded in his lap and stayed there a second too long before standing up again.

 

“Thank you for this great opportunity, I shall do my best to not disappoint either of you.” And with his last words Rin's chocolate eyes glanced to Sesshomaru's, their gaze locking once more, before he looked back down to his hands. Sesshomaru had not given a response, nor had he heard what response Kagura had given a second later as he was still in a shock of sorts. Though his face remained as stoic as ever.

 

He had not expected that voice to come out of the small male before him. It was like a bird's song, soft and quiet, sweet but not exactly feminine. He felt suddenly entranced and eager to hear more. But Sesshomaru's uncharacteristic lapse ended when Kagura began urging everyone to get on with the afternoon's plans. He stayed standing where he was as he watched the long tables move then be replaced by wooden chairs with easels in front. All centered around two stools where Kagura and Sesshomaru were meant to sit as the group would begin their 'audition' sketches, as Kagura worded it.

 

Sesshomaru did as he was bid when they were ready to begin and sat on the stool to Kagura's right side, which she then scooted hers closer to his and wrapped her arm around his. _Does she have to touch me?_ Sesshomaru gritted his teeth, holding back his inner insults. Feeling like this women would never give him a moments alone. He stayed still as the room began to quite, but let his eyes wonder to his right where he saw Rin had taken his seat.

 

For the next hour he endured Kagura's low whispers as she spoke nonsense into his ear, something he felt like ripping off if she kept it up, and her insistent circling thumb on his arm. She thought she could turn him on, but truth of it was he was never attracted to her. True she was decent enough, some even called beautiful, but it had been a _very_ long time since anyone had sparked that kind of interest in him. However, as Sesshomaru thought about it he found his eyes wondering back toward Rin, to find the smaller male staring straight at him once again.

 

Rin's eyes were focused as his left hand moved in skillful strokes. Sesshomaru was once more caught in the moment, watching the concentration echo on his face, impressed by the fact that Rin could still continue his strokes without breaking eye contact. He was also equally impressed that even though their eyes stayed staring he never lost his concentration, despite just earlier he could barely look Sesshomaru in the face. This strange creature was truly a puzzle to Sesshomaru.

 

Sesshomaru kept his eyes toward Rin without drawing attention for the rest of the hour that he sat there, and something grew inside him with each long glance. But when all was said and done he stood and walked himself to the open door, without a glance to Rin as Kagura took it upon herself to inspect the sketches one by one. He could hear how behind his back there was a surprised awe flowing through the group and Sesshomaru had a feeling it was going to be about Rin's sketch, but he didn't want to let himself fall into a situation that would cause trouble so he stayed standing where he was. Until Kagura stepped to his side and wrapped her arm around his setting out of the room and then off campus.

 

She had a whole day planned and for the first time Sesshomaru actually went along with everything she wanted to do with little complaint, hoping it would distract his mind from a certain someone.

 

It would not.

 

* * *

 

 

Rin thought his heart would burst for sure. Everyone had left and he had tried to keep himself together until then, but now that he was alone in the room he let his legs buckle as he sunk to the floor. _Oh..my..god.._ Rin clenched at the fabric of his shirt over his heart, he could feel it thumping hard beneath his hand as the world began to tilt a little. He had been so unprepared for all _that_. Although, in his defense it was hard to be prepared for anything when Sesshomaru, the man of Rin's dreams, kept staring at him with such a piercing gaze. Rin was sure he would have melted in his chair.

 

Two days prior, when they had been approached by Kagura's lackey and offered this 'job' as the man had put it, Rin was so nervous and excited he could barely hold it in when he had gone home that day. He had spilled his whole heart out to Keade at dinner that night, taking up all her evening time with talking of everything he was feeling. The old women was the kindest soul in the world and Rin had felt so lucky to call her family. He thought that talking about all his nervousness that night would have released him from such an emotion but the second he locked gazed with the perfect amber color he knew it would be the longest hour of his life.

 

Not that he was nervous about the actual sketch. No, Rin had drawn Sesshomaru – without his knowledge – so many times he could rough sketch him in his sleep. Rin knew he was boarding the stalker line, but whenever he felt stressed or sad about everything he would relax with a pencil in hand over paper. And each and every time he did so he found himself sketching the demon, the most handsome man Rin had ever laid eyes on – not that he had gotten around much, but still!

 

Rin had never expected to get close to him and had been fine with admiring him from far away, and even after the whole 'job' was offered and he knew he would finally be able to sit close to him he still told himself not to expect anything special. But how could you call the looks they shared anything but?

 

The first glance had brought Rin to life, a sudden energy he hadn't had in weeks. And every gaze after had stoked the fire, so now – almost two hours after the first encounter – Rin was reduced to a pile of mush. Breathing heavy and grinning like a child at Halloween. He was so utterly happy. Rin couldn't hold back the tears as they surfaced, though he wasn't sure exactly why they fell, nor could he stop his shoulders from trembling.

 

“Rin?” Kagome's voice sounded from out in the hall, a little far away but he could pick her voice out in a crowd. “Rin?!” she shouted loudly as she popped into the room, seeing him on the floor, crying, she could only assume the worst. “Rin?! Oh my god! Are you okay?” Kagome continued in her high pitched worried voice as she knelt by his side and rubbed his shoulder.

 

Rin looked up at her, trying to show her that he was okay – at least in the sense she was worried about – by flashing his goofy grin. He tried to say her name through a sudden fit of giggles. Kagome just stared at him for a moment, her hand pulled away from him.

 

“You've gone crazy..” She whispered, which only made Rin laugh even more. Holding his sides he tried to calm himself.

 

“No. No, its just...” He spoke through his chuckles, “I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all this..” Rin was finally calming down through his words but still chuckled. “All this excitement!” He flashed his smile to his best friend, a thing he knew he hadn't done in the last few weeks. Kagome could only smile back as she relaxed.

 

“Well? You going to tell me what's got you all screwed up?” She chuckled back at him, so happy to see Rin back to his old self. Rin nodded to her request and pointed to his sketch book that was still poised on the easel. Kagome raised an eye brow but stood and walked over to look at the sketch. It was another sketch of Sesshomaru, something she'd seen in his sketch books many, many times; but this one was different. In the sketch he was seated, with one leg crossed over the other his arm resting on his legs and his head turned ever so slightly, staring straight in the direction of the angle Rin had been drawing him. She quickly studied his work, the lines smooth and clean, not rushed like she normally noticed from his speed sketches. The shading of Sesshomaru's demon markings perfectly done, as was the shading and lines of his hair – which was pulled in a high pony tail. Even Kagome had to admit in this one sketch Sesshomaru looked amazing, but she chalked that up to Rin's abilities and not the man's own looks.

 

“He was here?” Kagome asks as she looks back to Rin who is now calm and standing next to the stools which hadn't been moved. His cheeks were flared a little pink, but she wasn't sure if that was from his giggle fest or from slight embarrassment. Rin nodded.

 

“Yes, Kagura is making up sketch them both.” Rin said, his voice soft like normal. Kagome looked back to the sketch, but she didn't see Kagura at all. Though upon closer inspection she noticed some negative space in the shape of a hand and arm. So Rin had chosen not to sketch her at all, but his skill in drawing didn't stop him from capturing the pose perfectly. Kagome chuckled, neither of them like Kagura. Although, to be honest, Kagome didn't know many people who liked Kagura. She was known to be a bitch.

 

“He was looking at you..” Kagome says as her eyes drift back to the picture, in half statement-half question. Now Rin actually blushes and nods when Kagome looks back up at him. He steps closer and around the easel to look at his own drawing. Wanting to reach out and stroke the picture, he stops himself knowing he'll ruin the pencil strokes.

 

“I was so nervous I thought my heart was going to burst..” Rin smiles through his blush, and Kagome sighs.

 

“Did he speak to you?” She asks, knowing they had yet to make any sort of contact before and also knew that Rin would never be the first to step up. Rin shook his head but his smile didn't fade.

 

“But I'm happy just like this, Kagome.” He turns and smiles at her, being completely honest. “I don't need any more if I can just be in the same room sketching him for a while longer. Kagome sighed in irritation. She knew her friend well enough that he truly meant what he was saying, and she also knew he was not the type of person to ask for more. But she wanted more for her friend, she wanted to see him experience the joy of being with someone. Not that that person had to be Sesshomaru, she knew in her heart it would never happen, and she was sure Rin knew it as well. But she had hoped him being at college he would have found someone to spark his interest, to distract him from his growing obsession with a man he would never be able to touch.

 

“What am I going to do with you..” She said again and pat his shoulder. “Well, come on. Inuyasha's waiting at the car.” Rin nodded and began packing up his stuff, folding his sketchbook back to the cover as the last thing, cradling it in his arm with his satchel hanging on his shoulder. “Ready?” Kagome asked from the door frame.

 

“Ready.” Rin nodded. It was time to go home.

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> SO the first time I wrote this the first chapter was like super long and felt really rushed. I tend to write really long chapters, and so I'm challenging myself to keep them kind of short. The reason is that if I keep the chapters shorter I can post them quicker, however, less quantity does not mean bad quality. I am still putting a lot of thought into each chapter. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. It helps boost my confidence!!


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